Both join the recent surge in books dedicated to exploring how social power structures impact not only women’s lived experiences but also their emotional lives. So, it’s with utter delight that I consumed two new books: Too Much: How Victorian Constraints Still Bind Women Today, by Rachel Vorona Cote, and Pretty Bitches: On Being Called Crazy, Angry, Bossy, Frumpy, Feisty, and All the Other Words That Are Used to Undermine Women, edited by Lizzie Skurnick, a collection of essays centered around the words used to demean and undermine women. For most of my life, I’ve internalized my ugly, messy emotions as proof that I was wrong. I’ve known since I was a child that everyone would be more comfortable if I were sweeter, quieter, lesser. I get “too excited” during arguments, “aggressive” when discussing politics, “intense” when feeling emotion. My sandwich-ravishing is representative of the other ways I move through the world: ever-cognizant of how I must tone down this or that. To enjoy a sandwich the way I want to, in all its gooey excess, I prefer to be alone, so no one will be bothered by what author Rachel Vorona Cote might call my too muchness. Crumbs rain onto my lap, pickle juice drips into the divot between my bottom lip and chin, and chip grease stains my fingertips. My favorite sandwiches are too big to eat neatly fat crusts of bread fail to contain slippery avocado, hunks of cheddar cheese, creamy smears of mayonnaise.
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